8 Reasons To Date An African Man

Top 5 (Statistically Proven) Reasons to Love Black Men

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Where is the love? It shouldn’t take a bunch of studies and statistics to tell us these guys deserve it!

Eve and Adam

In today’s society there’s a lot being said about black men. There has always been a lot being said about black men. The majority of which has not been flattering, and the rest is just not true.

Black people give 25% more of their income to charity than White Americans.

Trust me when I say this, because being a black man 3 things you should know about meI have pretty much heard them all directly or witnessed or read about them indirectly. These negative narratives have plagued black men like a communicable disease, so much so that black men are in danger of not being loved any more. As black men we’re finding ourselves over and over again singing the lyrics from that Black Eyed Peas song, “Where Is The Love?”

I want to share with you the top five reasons to love black men. And just to be fair, I’m going to back them up with statistics. I could have shared more but I at least wanted to get the love started with these top five. Here you go:

#5 They’re Enterprising

Last surveyed in 2008, African Americans were almost twice as likely as White Americans to enter the firm creation process, with men making up more than 60% of active entrepreneurs. Reynolds, P. & Curtin, R. (2008) Business Creation in the United States: Panel Study of Entrepreneurial Dynamics || Initial Assessment. Foundations and Trends in Entrepreneurship. 4 (3). 259-260. DOI: 10.1561/0300000022

#4 They’re Influential

Black buying power continues to increase, rising from its current $1 trillion level to a forecasted $1.3 trillion by 2017, with Black men continuing to dominate as the economic leaders in the Black community. Nielsen Company and National Newspaper Publishers Association. (2013). Resilient, Receptive and Relevant. The African-American Consumer. (4)

#3 They’re Generous

Black people give 25% more of their income to charity than White Americans. W.K. Kellogg Foundation with major contributions from Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors. (2012) Cultures of Giving: Energizing and Expanding Philanthropy By and For Communities of Color. (5)

#2 They’re Educated

… Black fathers (70%) were most likely to have bathed, dressed, diapered, or helped their children use the toilet every day.

Today, young Black men drop out of high school less and enroll in college more than in any other generation in history, with 1.2 million Black men enrolled in college in 2012. Toldson, I. A. & Lewis, C.W. (2012).Challenge the Status Quo: Academic Success among School-age African American Males. Washington, D.C.: Congressional Black Caucus Foundation, Inc.

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#1 They’re LOVING

Among fathers with co-residential children, Black fathers (70%) were most likely to have bathed, dressed, diapered, or helped their children use the toilet every day. Jones, J., & Mosher, W. (2013) Fathers’ Involvement With Their Children: United States, 2006-2010 National Health Statistics Reports (71) 6-7.

So with these top five reasons in mind let’s start giving us black men the love that we deserve. Thank you IMG_0832

 

 

How to Make Your Wife Enjoy Being a Wife!

Many men want a good wife yet they don’t set up the right conditions for a wife to be her best. These are some simple ways to make her the best Queen:

1. “Marry her”

Don’t just take a woman and live with her in a come we stay union in the name of love. Marry her. Make her your wife. Women love better when they know where they stand and have security.

2. “Appreciate her effort”

She does a lot to keep the home well governed. Notice her efforts. Tell her thank you. Compliment her on how she does it so well.

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3. “Help her out”

Don’t pile all the chores on her. Offer your help. Make the bed, clean up after yourself, cook with her, lift up the heavy stuff, do the shopping. Don’t even wait for her to ask you. The more help she will get, the more she will do for the family.

4. “Pamper her”

Sometimes insist that she does nothing but relax so that you serve her love. Make her a cup of tea, massage her, take her out on a date. Give her a chance to breathe.

5. “Attend to her emotional needs”

Listen to her, hear her out. Check if she’s OK, improve where she requests you to improve. A woman doesn’t nag in a vacuum. Her nagging is because her emotional needs are not being met. A loved up woman doesn’t nag.

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6. “Make time for her”

Why should she live like a single woman yet she has a husband? Make time for her. No married woman should suffer in loneliness.

7. “Ask for her opinion”

Don’t make decisions without involving her. This makes her feel left out. You two are one.

8. “Participate in domestic matters”

A lot of husbands are missing in action in matters at home. They don’t show any interest yet they are the head. This is not how to lead your family.

9. “Meet her sexual needs”

When a woman is horny, she is really horny. Don’t let her go about her day in sexual frustration. Release her built up sexual tension. She will glow more.

10. “Understand when she is tired”

She is not a robot. She does get tired. When you see her exhausted, cuddle her, let her rest. She’ll feel much better with your care.

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11. “Do parenthood with her”

Fatherhood is not just about paying bills and school fees. It is about taking care of your wife when pregnant, spending time with the children, playing with the kids, doing homework with the kids. This is what makes a married women enjoy having a family.

12. “Make her laugh”

Women want to be with a man that makes them happy and laugh. Let the house be full of laughter. Be fun, joke. She will enjoy waking up to be a wife.

13. “Be a problem solver”

Offer solutions. Make her feel safe you are around because with you around, you two can handle whatever issue.

14. “Call out her beauty”

Look at her with desiring eyes. Praise her boobs, butt, hips, thighs and nipples. Make her feel wanted. You get to see her naked, make her feel good about her vagina, stretch marks, body shape. Her body is all yours.

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15. “Talk with her not at her”

Don’t talk down at her or order her around. Don’t look down on her. If you look down on her she will grow cold and defensive. You are in this together. Show her respect.

When an African man loves his woman…

So many African men are hurting their women in the name of “African culture”. So many wrongs in society are tolerated because they have been justified by the way African men are perceived to be. It is time to correct this nonconstructive perceptions…

1. “An African man can’t tell his woman I love you”

An African man’s heart is not any different from another man’s heart. When an African man loves his car, he will tell people about it and show off; when he loves his success, he will talk about it; when he loves his woman, he will tell her and the world. If a man finds it hard to telling and showing his woman he loves her, that is just his ego taking over or it could be, he actually doesn’t love her. African man, you live only once; if you are truly committed to your woman, what are you waiting for to show love to her? Why are you bothered by what people will think?

2. “African men are not romantic”

It doesn’t matter what colour of skin a man has, when he is attracted to a woman, he will charm and woo her. Romance is not just pulling up a chair for her or writing her poetry; romance is everything a man does to make his woman feel special, melting her heart with deeds and words, looking out for her. African man, why are you in the name of culture excusing yourself from pleasing the woman you used to romance during courtship? Your heart wants to love her, don’t stand in the way

3. “African men must be polygamous”

This line has been used by many African men to justify their affairs. An African man is capable of committing to one woman just as he expects her to commit to only him. African man, chasing after another woman yet you vowed to your wife to be faithful to only her has nothing to do with culture, but everything to do with your weak character and strong levels of selfishness

4. “An African man must have many children scattered all over”

Too many African men are dead beat dads, too many African men have sired children all over. Far too often, it is a common scenario during the death of African man that the women they have been with and their children, show up to want a piece of his inheritance. This is nothing to celebrate, no matter how successful the man is. This is the manifestation of poor leadership. A man leads his home, he brings about order

5. “An African man must beat his woman if he loves her”

Sadly, even some women have come to accept this lie. Love doesn’t hurt others. A woman is not a slave to be beaten up in order to toe the line. She is the pride and joy of a mature man. Hitting your wife is a sign of how immature you are

6. “An African man cannot do house chores”

A man works hard, not just at work outside but also in his home. The home is the man’s castle. In his castle, he can offer to cook, he can clean the compound, he can make the bed with his wife, he can paint the walls, he can change the light bulbs; he reigns in his castle. His wife is not his house help to order around, but his queen. Sometimes he asks her, “What can I do to help?”. Before he married his wife, he used to live alone as a bachelor and he used to do house chores. Why should things change and dump all his mess and responsibilities on his wife, now that she is with him?

7. “An African man loves only big women with big assets”

The image of a woman that an African man likes has been made to be that of a woman with a big bum or big chest. But every man is different, there are many African men loving petite, small, not so curvy women. To each his own. African men, stop making other women feel not beautiful enough

8. ” An African man should be worshiped at home”

Some men have taken this ‘head of the family’ stuff to the extreme. Just because they are the husband, they want to be worshiped and revered at home. African man, leadership is not about being feared but about serving and giving yourself for the happiness and peace of your home. Don’t grow a big head, your family needs you. Come down from your false deity throne

9. “An African man cannot be corrected by his woman”

There are African men who pressure a fellow man when the wife corrects him or disagrees with him. They mock the man he is being sat on by his wife and he should put her in her place and show her he is the boss. African man, you will not always be right. Your woman will sometimes call you out or have a better idea than you. Listen to her, she has alot of interest in your life, she is looking out for you. You are married to her, not your friends. The moment you chose to commit to a woman, it stopped being just about you, no more “I” but “We”. She is your partner, discuss things with her. This is not a battle of the sexes, this is love, this is marriage. You need her, she needs you

10. ” An African man is a sell-off if he marries a white woman”

Some African men keep off looking for love in a different race, scared of being mocked. African man, it is wonderful to celebrate your roots, but incase you find love in a woman from a difference race, love her. You will not be any less of an African, you will be a man in love. Love knows no tribe or race

11. “An African man must have a big penis”

It has been stereotyped that all African men have a big penis, putting pressure and discomfort in African men with a small manhood. African man, embrace the man-hood God has given you. In bed, remember pleasing your wife is not about the size of the body or the organs of the body; but about skill. Bring you “A” game on, you African king

12. “An African man is not a man if he is not circumcised”

A man is not defined by whether he has foreskin or not. He is defined by his character, his heart, his values, his love, his confidence as he is. Stop arguing and insulting other African men with a different opinion on a small part of the flesh, don’t be petty

13. “An African man must have a son”

African man, it’s not a must that your first born be a son. It is not a must that you have a son. If God gives you a female or male child, be the best father regardless of gender.

14. “An African man loves his daughter less”

This foolish notion of African men loving their daughter less than the son because she will get married off to another family must stop. This foolish notion of looking at daughter’s as an income revenue stream to gain dowry must end. This is your daughter, never let her grow up feeling unwanted or goods for sale. Your legacy can still continue in your daughter, just like in your son. Empower your daughter and you will never regret it

15. “An African man doesn’t cry”

If men were not made to cry, they wouldn’t have tears. Men can cry, they can cry as they worship their God, they can cry when death of a loved one knocks them, they can cry when they are touched. This hardened view is what makes many African men hurt silently inside and then the hurt gets manifested in harmful ways on others. It is OK to be human. Find your corner, cry sometimes. Turn to your woman, breakdown in her embrace sometimes. It will help you heal and live

16. “An African man shows no emotions”

It is OK to hug your children, it is OK to be vulnerable, it is OK as a man to say when you are hurt, to show your emotions. It is called living life. Don’t numb your emotions yet you only live once. Feel, African man, feel.

17. “Parenthood is for the woman”

Many African men are absent from their children’s life thinking that is not their role, that fatherhood is just paying school fees and providing material needs. No, fatherhood is about being present in your children’s life. You cannot shape and mould your child from a distance. We have too many adults who have grown up wishing their dad was there to love and mentor them. It hurts when you have a father who is alive that you are not close to. How sad it is when some African men are quick to blame their wives when their children turn out wrongly and quick to take credit when that child they are distant frfrom turns out well

18. “An African man is wealthy if he is big bodied or has a big tummy

A ‘kitambi’ is not necessarily a sign of wealth, but a sign of lifestyle. For some, that big tummy is actually cause to worry for his health. Look at President Paul Kagame of Rwanda; he is one lean wealthy and powerful African man

19. “An African man cannot apologize”

Too many African men are hurting their wives, their children, people around them and don’t care to apologize because hey, an African man is never wrong. African man, why are ruining relationships in the name of misplaced culture. Be the bigger man, do the right thing; say sorry

20. “An African man cannot adopt a child or raise another man’s child”

African men rarely adopt a child. Many African men frown at the thought of loving a single mother as they say “Why should I raise another man’s child?”. African man, honour comes from being a father figure, not only to your biological child, but also to children who don’t share your blood but can share love with you. Love is thicker than blood

21. “An African man cannot serve his woman”

Many African men expect their women to serve them, to be at their beck and call, massage them, look after them; yet they can’t do the same in return. Love is demonstrated by acts of service. If you love her, massaging her, checking up on her, pampering her when she is pregnant will not feel beneath you. You will enjoy making her smile. Put down this misplaced culture and love your wife. She will love you even more in return. Women respond very well to love

Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

10421420_849200451775118_6898301563135602260_n10. I am a child.

My autism is part of who I am, not all of who I am. Are you just one thing, or are you a person with thoughts, feelings, preferences, ideas, talents, and dreams? Are you fat (overweight), myopic (wear glasses) or klutzy (uncoordinated)? Those may be things that I see first when I meet you, but you’re more than just that, aren’t you?

As an adult, you have control over how you define yourself. If you want to single out one characteristic, you can make that known. As a child, I am still unfolding. Neither you nor I yet know what I may be capable of. If you think of me as just one thing, you run the danger of setting up an expectation that may be too low. And if I get a sense that you don’t think I “can do it,” my natural response will be, why try?

9. My senses are out of sync.

This means that ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. My environment often feels hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent or mean to you, but I’m just trying to defend myself. Here’s why a simple trip to the grocery store may be agonizing for me.

My hearing may be hyperacute. Dozens of people jabber at once. The loudspeaker booms today’s special. Music blares from the sound system. Registers beep and cough, a coffee grinder chugs. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My brain can’t filter all the input and I’m in overload!

My sense of smell may be highly sensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn’t quite fresh, the guy standing next to us hasn’t showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the baby in line ahead of us has a poopy diaper, they’re mopping up pickles on aisle three with ammonia. I feel like throwing up.

And there’s so much hitting my eyes! The fluorescent light is not only too bright, it flickers. The space seems to be moving; the pulsating light bounces off everything and distorts what I am seeing. There are too many items for me to be able to focus (my brain may compensate with tunnel vision), swirling fans on the ceiling, so many bodies in constant motion. All this affects how I feel just standing there, and now I can’t even tell where my body is in space.

8. Distinguish between won’t (I choose not to) and can’t (I am not able to).

It isn’t that I don’t listen to instructions. It’s that I can’t understand you. When you call to me from across the room, I hear “*&^%$#@, Jordan. #$%^*&^%$&*.” Instead, come over to me, get my attention, and speak in plain words: “Jordan, put your book in your desk. It’s time to go to lunch.” This tells me what you want me to do and what is going to happen next. Now it’s much easier for me to comply.

7. I’m a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally.

You confuse me by saying, “Hold your horses, cowboy!” when what you mean is, “Stop running.” Don’t tell me something is “a piece of cake” when there’s no dessert in sight and what you mean is, “This will be easy for you to do.” When you say, “It’s pouring cats and dogs,” I see pets coming out of a pitcher. Tell me, “It’s raining hard.”

Idioms, puns, nuances, inferences, metaphors, allusions, and sarcasm are lost on me.

6. Listen to all the ways I’m trying to communicate.

It’s hard for me to tell you what I need when I don’t have a way to describe my feelings. I may be hungry, frustrated, frightened, or confused but right now I can’t find those words. Be alert for body language, withdrawal, agitation or other signs that tell you something is wrong. They’re there.

Or, you may hear me compensate for not having all the words I need by sounding like a little professor or movie star, rattling off words or whole scripts well beyond my developmental age. I’ve memorized these messages from the world around me because I know I am expected to speak when spoken to. They may come from books, television, or the speech of other people. Grown-ups call it echolalia. I may not understand the context or the terminology I’m using. I just know that it gets me off the hook for coming up with a reply.

5. Picture this! I’m visually oriented.

Show me how to do something rather than just telling me. And be prepared to show me many times. Lots of patient practice helps me learn.

Visual supports help me move through my day. They relieve me of the stress of having to remember what comes next, make for smooth transition between activities, and help me manage my time and meet your expectations.

I need to see something to learn it, because spoken words are like steam to me; they evaporate in an instant, before I have a chance to make sense of them. I don’t have instant-processing skills. Instructions and information presented to me visually can stay in front of me for as long as I need, and will be just the same when I come back to them later. Without this, I live the constant frustration of knowing that I’m missing big blocks of information and expectations, and am helpless to do anything about it.

4. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do.

Like any person, I can’t learn in an environment where I’m constantly made to feel that I’m not good enough and that I need fixing. I avoid trying anything new when I’m sure all I’ll get is criticism, no matter how “constructive” you think you’re being. Look for my strengths and you will find them. There is more than one right way to do most things.

3. Help me with social interactions.

It may look like I don’t want to play with the other kids on the playground, but it may be that I simply do not know how to start a conversation or join their play. Teach me how to play with others. Encourage other children to invite me to play along. I might be delighted to be included.

I do best in structured play activities that have a clear beginning and end. I don’t know how to read facial expressions, body language, or the emotions of others. Coach me. If I laugh when Emily falls off the slide, it’s not that I think it’s funny. It’s that I don’t know what to say. Talk to me about Emily’s feelings and teach me to ask, “Are you okay?”

2. Identify what triggers my meltdowns.

Meltdowns and blow-ups are more horrid for me than they are for you. They occur because one or more of my senses has gone into overload, or because I’ve been pushed past the limit of my social abilities. If you can figure out why my meltdowns occur, they can be prevented. Keep a log noting times, settings, people, and activities. A pattern may emerge.

Remember that everything I do is a form of communication. It tells you, when my words cannot, how I’m reacting to what is happening around me. My behavior may have a physical cause. Food allergies and sensitivities sleep problems and gastrointestinal problems can all affect my behavior. Look for signs, because I may not be able to tell you about these things.

1. Love me unconditionally.

Throw away thoughts like, “If you would just—” and “Why can’t you—?” You didn’t fulfill every expectation your parents had for you and you wouldn’t like being constantly reminded of it. I didn’t choose to have autism. Remember that it’s happening to me, not you. Without your support, my chances of growing up to be successful and independent are slim. With your support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than you might think.

Three words we both need to live by: Patience. Patience. Patience.

View my autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Look past what you may see as limitations and see my strengths. I may not be good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that I don’t lie, cheat at games, or pass judgment on other people?

I rely on you. All that I might become won’t happen without you as my foundation. Be my advocate, be my guide, love me for who I am, and we’ll see how far I can go.

 

by Ellen Notbohm from the book Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, 2nd edition (2012, Future Horizons, Inc.)

*Reprinted in its entirety with permission of author.

Click here for the downloadable PDF.

 

Stand for what?

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#SpokenSundays #StandForWhat #poetry Stand For what?!

You want me to stand for a song that continues to remind me of all the harms that have done me wrong?

Stand for what?!

For your Army that none of our sons truly belong Stand for what? The 100 years it took them to convince Congress to become the anthem after 40 failed attempts Stand for what?

Your forefathers who really just Pimps. Stand for What?

A song about War, not freedom That’s how you want to lead them Brainwash your people?

that’s how you want to treat em Slavemasters whips to Cops night sticks, that’s how you continue to beat em. Stand for what the beginning of Slavery in 1619 Or the end of those Black Marines of 1814 That’s really what the lyrics are about They may have taken the word slave out but they forget to remove the slave connotations from their brains and they mouth

The mentality to make America Greater than your imagination is how you pout Hating because we burned down their White House Gave proof through the night, that its light out For the old elitist white man thinking Drunk off they ass with power at baseball games singing and drinking Man stand for what? Stand for something or fall for dumb shit! Stand for what To salute the Red White and Blue, on a Flag where my Colors not reflected Stand for what To uphold laws that were embedded to have my community negatively affected Stand for what Your racist systemic melodies of mind manipulating rhetoric?

Did you know the government pays Sports organizations for plays, to make people more patriotic This MK Ultra Soul control needs to stop it I can still love my country and hate that fucked up song about rockets, and bombs bursting air Reminds me of Charlottesville’s vicious glares And police shootings with no care like the dash cameras wasn’t there. Stand for what Monuments and statues of old slave masters Constant reminders of our nations disasters The Heros in Houston, the Doctors, the Poets and the Pastors. That’s who I want to shape our greatness after I honor and respect our men and women of service But we’ve been taught to idolize wars without purpose

The majority of our Militaries casualties are minority soldiers So let’s make statues for those warriors because they truly deserve it Mt Rushmore was built by the Ku Klux Klan, so why the fuck should I have respect for those men Damn, This is not my country and it’s not yours either. Go back to Africa?

I wish we never had to leave it But the entire World is our neighborhood So why do we perceive certain blocks to be bad and other blocks to be good? Instead of glorifying the past we gotta focus on the future Dick Gregory warned me if U speak up They probably gonna shoot ya! But I shout for his eternal voice along with Martin, Malcolm and Marcus Garvey and march wholeheartedly for their legacy Because I’ll say it loud as you can see Fuck Francis Scott Key and Robert E. Lee They don’t represent me and neither do either of these hypocritical political parties I am a native to the cosmic and Universal God Energy. Even though the constitution really doesn’t apply to me I’ll try to exercise my freedom of speech So you can tell them you heard it from me. Yeah I said it Brutality, Historic Fallacies and All war is wrong and so is that fucking song! It’s Been way too long!

It’s time to make a change and acknowledge that your home of the brave was built on the back of a Slave. So bowing down to a true King Is the only way to let freedom ring Stand for what? I ain’t standing For Shit… except Kaepernick!

Ye are gods, what does it mean?

I have said, Ye are Nubians; and all of you are children of the most High.

black power

Ps 82:1 ¶ « A Psalm of Asaph. » The Great Mother of Afrika standeth in the congregation of the mighty; she judgeth among the Nubians.

Ex 22:9 For all manner of trespass, whether it be for ox, for ass, for sheep, for raiment, or for any manner of lost thing, which another challengeth to be his, the cause of both parties shall come before the judges; and whom the judges shall condemn, she shall pay double unto his neighbour.

Ex 22:28 Thou shalt not revile the Nubians, nor curse the ruler of thy people.

Joh 10:34 FB_IMG_1496845902557, Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are Nubians?

Joh 10:35 If she 10923443_10152731617641126_9069686026084948738_ncalled them Nubians, unto whom the word of The Great Mother of Afrika came, and the scripture cannot be broken;

Joh 10:36 Say ye of him20170901_082533, whom the Mother for website queenshath sanctified, and sent into the world, Thou blasphemest; because I IMG_0832said, I am the Son of The Great Mother of Afrika10489862_326943800793585_8161695487580099341_n?

99 Ways to Respect Black Women

This year marked 100 years since the death of Harriet Tubman, the former American slave who proved great heart and courage in rescuing other slaves. This fact was commemorated not with a holiday or a monument but by our very own brother Russell Simmons thinking it would be wonderful to make a “Harriet Tubman sex tape.” If we black women don’t speak up and demand respect, no one is going to speak up for us. So, to any brother—to anyone, black or white, male or female—who is ever again confused, here is a handy list of 99 Ways to Respect Black Women (to be sung to the tune of Jay-Z’s 2004 hit “I Got 99 Problems But the Bitch Ain’t One” (see #91 below).

  1. Do not rape us.
  2. Do not make jokes about raping us.
  3. Do not abuse us.
  4. Do not jail us if we do defend ourselves from those who try to rape and abuse us.
  5. Do not deny these things have happened, these things are happening. Do not deny that this is the painful legacy of 300 years of American slavery from 1619 to 1865, followed by 100 years of apartheid until 1965, followed by the 48 years of institutionalized racism that lives on today.
  6. Do not deny that slavery happened.
  7. Do not deny the specific experiences of black women during slavery—different from that of black men—including the legalized rape and abuse of black women by white men, our children and families stolen and sold away from us, and the forced rape by our black brothers under orders from our white masters to breed more slaves after the African slave trade was outlawed. Indeed,  “one southern planter vulgarly declared that white rape of slave women explained the ‘absence of Southern prostitution and the purity of white women.’”
  8. Do not stalk and kill our sons.
  9. Do not kill our daughters.
  10. Do not call us liars, crazy, stupid troublemakers or terrorists when we give voice to the ignored and unreported history of black women.
  11. Do not say racism is over because we have a black president.
  12. Do not make me choose between fighting racism and fighting sexism.
  13. Do not assume our experiences are the same just because you are fighting one of these.
  14. Do not ask me if you can touch my hair, or touch it anyway and say it feels like a Brillo pad or that is what you thought it would feel like.
  15. Do not ask me if I can wash my hair, how I wash my hair, or if I can tan and get sunburned and cancer.
  16. Do not ask me if Beyoncé just took out her weave.
  17. Do not use the n word.
  18. Do not ask me to represent all black women, to speak for all black women.
  19. Do not tell me you are not racist because some of your best friends are black.
  20. Do not ask me if I know your one black friend.
  21. Do not expect us to be immune from the psychological effects of racism and sexism, or of the special disrespect saved for women who inhabit both these identities. Don’t call me crazy when my depression and anxiety come from dealing with your hate, racism and sexism.
  22. Do not expect me to enjoy being the only black girl, the token at work or school or anywhere else.
  23. Do not assume we can sing and dance. That these are our only accepted art forms.
  24. Do not wrongfully imprison our sons. Do not wrongfully imprison us and our daughters either.
  25. Do not wrongfully and disproportionally execute our sons and daughters.
  26. Do not slander our daughters. Do not pick on us just because you can.
  27. Do not lock us out of education and work … and act against us if we try to come in, move on up.
  28. Do not take away our right to vote. Again.
  29. Do not also call us terrorists for attacking injustice and defending our civil rights.
  30. Do not call us ugly and other names for just being beautiful in our black womanhood.
  31. Do not co-opt our culture without respect.
  32. Do not steal our stories because you can pass and we cannot, because we have to deal with racism and you only have to deal with sexism.
  33. Do not shut us out of the feminist movement and say feminism is only for white women.
  34. Do not shut us out of the Civil Rights Movement and say “black power” is only for black men.
  35. Do not tell us our black men do not want us because we are not white and pretty.
  36. Don’t say, “I am okay because I am from Africa or France or England and you love my accent and  I am not one of those blacks, you know? Them.” No, I don’t know.
  37. Do not shut down and shut out our stories when told by ourselves.
  38. Do not require a narrative white eye to co-opt our stories and make money off our cultures and voices. Do not put a white male face on our experience of genocide in this country, sell it back to us, and expect us to sympathize with white Confederate slave owners, with this disrespectful othering in our own narrative, this disrespectful rewrite of history. Again.
  39. Do not assume that you can date us when you want to mess around or abuse a girl but not marry her because our blackness does not make us the marrying kind.
  40. Do not pretend there isn’t a double standard between how our sexuality is judged and how white women’s sexuality is judged.
  41. Do not deny that there are racial stereotypes; do not deny the harmful effects of these stereotypes.
  42. Do not say I do not have the right to be defended, to defend myself.
  43. Do not deny how racism and racist people permeate and affect every social interaction, even in healthcare
  44. Do not say I am not worthy of rights, of being a person.
  45. Do not deny the anxiety living under these conditions creates, as well as the effects of this on our psyches.
  46. Do not think we are all the same.
  47. Do not think that when we speak our minds we are angry black women.
  48. Don’t expect us to love 50 Shades of Grey the way white women do. They weren’t raped for 500 years by white men in this exact way and others.
  49. Do not ask us if we’re sure Beyoncé just took out her weave. Or, how can a weave look so natural?
  50. Do not feed us that post-racial bullshit. Yes people still see race, yes people are still judged by their race. Yes, you are judging me right now if you are not black and saying, Oh no, another one of them (angry black ladies).
  51. Admit when you are judging people because of their race or gender. Become aware and try to change this way of thinking.
  52. Understand that mothers have the right to take care of their children and not be penalized for it.
  53. Understand that family rights are human rights.
  54. Understand what life is like from someone else’s point of view.
  55. Understand the pain of holding your history and life every day, and being told by the people who did it that racism does not matter, that they do not want to hear your stories because you do not matter.
  56. Understand that white privilege exists. Understand that heterosexual privilege exists.
  57. Do not cloak yourself in your white privilege and call me sister if you allow the power of your white male brothers to both shield you from and blind you to the disrespect we women of color face in the struggle.
  58. Do not say it’s not racist it’s just words, or it’s just a TV show, or it’s just a movie. These are the things that matter. These are how we create meaning.
  59. Do not expect us to be friends with your racist friends.
  60. Do not use our bodies for science experiments without consent.
  61. Do not sterilize our bodies without consent.
  62. Do not speak to us about accidental rape and good racist white people. These are oxymorons. And not knowing this makes you a moron. Yes, I called you a moron. Deal with it.
  63. Do not say my 8-month-old baby is racist if he sometimes cries when white people hold him.
  64. Do not assume that person means white, that person means male.
  65. Do not forget the power of the words “white only” and their loaded history when you put them up in places in this country today.
  66. Do not deny the power of seeing the Confederate flag flown by your white skin when the power of seeing the word “Jesus” is such that a professor can be put on leave.
  67. Do not pretend we live in a vacuum and that history doesn’t matter.
  68. Do not pretend we are equal, that some life is more valued and protected than others.
  69. Don’t tell me hip hop ain’t sick and you know what caused it.
  70. Do not try to justify the prison-industrial-profit complex, unequal convictions, racial profiling and stop-and-frisking.
  71. Do not deny that this country was founded on genocide sanctioned by white supremacy, that laws were put in place as early as 1619 to support this and that some of them are still on the books today.
  72. Do not deny white people have benefited from 600 years of affirmative action.
  73. Do not make me educate you on how to treat me like a person.
  74. Do not make me responsible for your ignorance.
  75. Do not say the personal is not political when your vote takes away my rights.
  76. Do not say racist things and then pretend you did not.
  77. Understand that, as a black person, the racism I experience is different than yours even if you are another person of color, because of your ability to pass, to be the accepted as a model minority because of your lighter skin and lighter histories, and because of your desire to be successful in this country—which means adopting and living by the doctrine of white supremacy. Understand that because the racism I experience is different, I need special and different protection than you do from white men, from white society.
  78. Understand that white supremacy is not only practiced by whites. Or white men.
  79. Do understand I have a right to choose how I live my life, to control my body, or control what happens to my body. Do understand that I have a right to “define myself for myself.” Do not try to put me in a box and define who you want me to be.
  80. Do not say I am acting white when I am being myself.
  81. Do not tell me to act more black. Do not try to teach me how to act more black.
  82. Do not make me the face of welfare or crime—or my black brothers either—when it is not true.
  83. Do not judge me. And if you judge me, do not use a double standard that makes things right if done by white men or women and wrong if done by black women or men.
  84. Do not try to invalidate my feelings, perception or thoughts to make you feel less guilty. Do not try to rewrite history to make yourself feel less guilty.
  85. Do understand that if you are my man you will have to protect me from racism with your mind and words, not your fists.
  86. Understand that the reasons black families divorce are the same reasons white families divorce: People fall out of love, people become incompatible. It is not because all black men have gigantic penises and must sleep with as many women as possible. Understand that there are other possible reasons that black families divorce–like the pain of 300 years of slavery which broke the black family apart, as fathers were bought and sold and unable to prevent their wives and children from being bought and sold and raped by the men who “owned” them. Or the pain of children growing up to became fathers and mothers without ever having experienced a family or love in order to learn how to be a family and love.
  87. Do understand that because racism never ends, neither does our reactions to it. Do understand that the greatest trick the devil ever played is to keep us fighting the same fight, keep us wound up and angry and stuck. Do understand the level of exhaustion this creates. Do understand that anger kills and that we cannot stay there or we will die. To protect ourselves we must seek and spread love.
  88. Understand we deserve love. Understand we have the right to love ourselves. That, as June Jordan said, “self-love is the most revolutionary act.” That we are no one’s slaves, no one’s victims.
  89. Do understand that there are Judas Uncle Toms and they will always take money to say what you want about their own people to have the love of white people or money, and that they do not speak for us. Do realize deep down you know this too … and so does Judas Uncle Tom.
  90. Do not only show us on television if we look like stupid shrill idiots fighting over getting pregnant accidentally by players, ballers and hip hoppers.
  91. Do not call us “bitches” and “hos” in your music or videos or anywhere else. Do not pimp us out to make yourself money, whether it be a buck or a billion.
  92. Don’t mention reverse racism and expect us to take you seriously. Just don’t. You have already betrayed your ignorance.
  93. Do not tell us we would be pretty if only we were white. Do not internalize the self-hating color hierarchy of white supremacy and say if we are not white we have to be as light as possible … and to get in anywhere we must be lighter than a paper bag.
  94. Do not ask if we can put a weave in your hair like Beyoncé’s. Sister said its natural. Respect.
  95. Don’t waste my time and energy. I have no time for that foolishness. Too many glass ceilings to crack wide open and a family to raise up each generation past slavery to deal with your ignorance and hate.
  96. Don’t disrespect us and expect to be our friends.
  97. Do not try to limit our lives by your fear of our success.
  98. Do understand that sometimes we get so sick and tired of the constant hate—racism, sexism, struggle, violence and disrespect—that we sometimes lose our way and  believe how you see us is true and give up.
  99. Do understand we will get over this temporary weakness and keep fighting.

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